my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
