Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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