Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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