he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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