We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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