I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
