Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
