omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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