Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
