when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
