just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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