It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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