Someone shit on the floor
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
