I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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