Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
