Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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