Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
