he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
