The maid of honor just puked.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
