so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
