i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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