please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
