I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
