Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
