he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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