just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
