My nipple is on Facebook.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
