I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
