the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
