If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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