She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
