i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
