this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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