True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Brb crying the tears of my youth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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