just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
