I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
