I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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