I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
