omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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