sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
