I can't watch pbs sober anymore
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
