My friends, they love my intelligence
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
NoShamevember. You game?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
