Cold hands, warm shart.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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