were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
