Soap is not a condiment
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My ass is underappreciated
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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