Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
