He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
