i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
