Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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