pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
