Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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