what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
