If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
