He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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